La patrie et son roi

Today is my mums birthday

and my aunts

and nieces

and deceased great grandmothers


I guess

They were born


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There once was this person

i don’t even remember

where we met

but i was still

quite young

19 or 20 i think


We were friends

and hanging out

and once

we slept with each other

but she didn’t wanna pull off

her clothes

and me to see

her body


The fabric

of her t-shirt

and shorts

felt like a wall

between our skins

to me

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The structure

So i was in this relationship

that in the beginning

felt very wild, passionate and intense

a symbiosis

from the first day on


Before the relationship

i felt quite stable

i had a structure

that kept me going


I got up early, went to the gym, did my work, saw my friends, didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs too much, ate at regular times, went to bed not too late, etc.

it was something i had worked on for many years

cause as a person with very intense, fluctuating emotions, bulimia and other self-harming behaviors in the past

i need a stable structure and environment

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Falling in love (narcissists and borderlines)

Why Do Narcissists and Borderlines Fall in Love?:

-“Without “whole object relations,” people alternate between two equally extreme and unrealistic views of themselves and other people: either they are “all-good” or “all-bad.” Instead of integrating these views when they see something that makes it clear that the other person is not all-good, they simply switch to seeing the person as all-bad—and vice versa.

In both cases, they also temporarily forget all the past history associated with the side that is now out of awareness. Therefore, if they are seeing you as “all-good,” they only remember things that support that view. When they are seeing you as “all-bad,” they only remember the things that support that view. As both of these views are overly extreme and inaccurate, they are inherently unstable and sometimes can rapidly shift back and forth in the course of a day.”

-“Narcissists and Borderline individuals also have something else in common that makes them likely to choose each other: they both can quickly form intense romantic attachments based on very little information about the other person. Most people who do not have either a Borderline or Narcissistic adaptation tend to take their time when making the decision whether their new lover is “the one.” My Borderline and Narcissistic clients often bond instantly when they barely know each other.”

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The cycle (narcissism)

“The dictionary defines narcissism as: a person who is overly self-involved and often vain and selfish. However, narcissism is not just manifested as self centeredness, in relationships a narcissist can be a nightmare merry-go-round on eggshells and communication can be like entering a labyrinth of confusion, with mirrors all around.

Dr. Lenore Walker described the sequence of events in the cycle of most abusive relationships as follows:

  1. Tension building
  2. Acting out
  3. Reconciliation/honeymoon
  4. Calm

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